Me, of course! Two door-to-door Mormon saleswomen (”sisters” their nametags said) visited me today. I saw them on my porch through the window… they knocked on the door. I didn’t feel like talking to them (blasphemy, I know) so I ignored them. But, as if a sign from God, five minutes later they rang the bell. I could not ignore this. By the way, don’t ask me what they were doing out there for five minutes. I like to pretend they were pleasuring each other. After a quick chat, I’m now the proud owner of a high quality* Book of Mormon.

*refers to construction materials not literary content.

Merry Christmas holy freaks! I think. See, I’m an atheist so I may be doing this wrong. January 7th is Christmas to some Eastern Orthodox variants of Christianity. The Russians, Ukrainians, Serbians, and a few others celebrate the birth of Jesus today. The Greeks, Romanians, the church of Alexandria, the church of Constantinople (seriously, they still call it that) and a few others celebrate the birth of Jesus on December 25th, as do Western forms of Christianity. To top it off, those wacky Armenians celebrate Christmas on January 6th. What gives?

Are you a tech geek? You are? That’s cool. Are you a Muslim? You are? Well, nobody’s perfect…

We all know Islam is virtually synonymous with high-end, cutting-edge, and progressive technology, so the inevitable has happened. It’s called UbuntuME, which stands for Ubuntu Muslim Edition. No, I’m not kidding…

Christina Martin and Martin Rowson of New Humanist Magazine have come up with a set of religion cards. These are great!!!
Naturally the best card is the Atheist one.

But the agnostic one is pretty awesome too.

(We predate the Garden of Eden, woo-hoo!)

Be sure to
Collect All 12!

The Bible has some of the greatest self-reinforcing concepts man has ever conceived. It is, in fact, brilliant in this way. Order your copy now and hear classic hits like, “He Works In Mysterious Ways”, “Because The Bible Tells Me So”, “Documented With 20-20 Hindsight”, and “I Just Have Faith It’s True”. Eh-hem, sorry, where was I?

American Christians love, love, love to say they’re persecuted. The argument is essentially “since we haven’t been able to establish a Christian theocracy, Christians are persecuted.” See here for the goofball details. The persecution is essentially opposition to conservative Christians imposing their political will on everyone. “Secularists” and atheists are blamed. I’m sure I’ll post about this one day. That day isn’t today. Today I’m going to write about Christians that really are persecuted. And guess who isn’t doing the persecution?

In the mighty nation of Nepal, the government there has chosen a 6-year-old “living goddess”, Reuters reports.

Fortunately in Nepal, the justice system recently ruled that the tradition of locking these goddesses up in isolated palaces was a violation of human rights. They were heavily protested for the ruling.

One day we will all look back to the days when you could take a 6-year-old and lock her up in isolation in the name of religion.

As all devout-n-practicin’ Pastafarians know, the average global temperature be inversely linked to the number o’active swashbucklers, as pro’en on this here chart by a Mr. Henderson. The good news be in ya scurvy dogs! Arrrg matey! We can all expect global temperatures t’be coolin’ any tide now.

This land lubber study only refers t’real swashbucklers. On accoun’ fer copystarboard violations we would be in another ice age b’now. Arrrr!

E’en tho I canna disprove the existence of the Flyin’ Sea Monster, I jus can’t make the leap o’faith. I hope I won’t be condemned to a giant bowl o’spaghetti sauce after I sink to Davy Jones’ locker.

Kid, I’ve surfed the web from one page of the Internet to the other. I’ve seen a lot of strange stuff, but I’ve never seen anything to make me believe what these Mormons believe. There’s no mystical underwear that controls my destiny. It’s all a lot of undergarments and nonsense.
- Han Solo on Mormonism
Hey folks! [...]

You may wonder what a closet atheist looks like. They look like people who were raised on the bible, realize it is completely stupid, and find a way to justify it to themselves anyway. Observe:

I would argue, that it is damn near imposable to be this intelligent and not be an atheist deep [...]